Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis Days 19 and 20

I'm back. Sorry you had to wait for the newest updates on my workout. I know it's day 20 and you're looking for the review, but I wanted to save it for tomorrow, when I am really focused on it, and have the time.

To tell you the truth, I haven't been feeling too great the last couple of days.

Do you know how it feels, when you are putting all your efforts into being positive and getting out of a slump, and then everything just collapses on you again? I think that is what happened to me. I am having real problems finding passion for anything, or just finding a direction for myself that will satisfy me for now.

Starting this 90 day challenge was my first attempt at  loving myself on a daily basis again. But then I wasn't even motivated to do this one thing the last four days.

I am really struggling at the moment. The most simple tasks become a huge mental challenge to me and I feel like some crazy person starring at walls and not even getting dressed properly. I am barely able to disguise how empty I feel inside and how I am just holding all the threads together, from the people I love and want to protect most from feeling it could be their fault. Because it's not their fault. There is no fault, I just need to start taking actions and listening to myself.

Right now, everything is drowned out by a headache that I assume has come from too much thinking about stuff. I am frantically looking for solutions to my problems and how to get out of this depressive mood for good.

This is not where or who I want to be. This has never been me. But I don't have the answers, or I do have them, and don't want to consider them for various reasons.

Nevertheless, you can imagine that if I had to rethink taking a shower or even getting dressed properly, doing Tracy was a huge effort. At the place I was mentally the last few days, I just didn't want to do anything. I had no energy to do the "happy world, I love myself" routine. So I just stopped doing, and allowed myself to stare at walls, search for answers, think and read.

But, even though I wasn't up for it, I still completed the second workout section. Not as gloriously as I would like, but I did it, and it's enough for me.

This daily exercise is something I want to keep up for a long time, so I don't beat myself up over individual days. The only thing I can do, is to honestly try to show up every day and give the best I can that day.

It's really that simple :)

The Diet

As I was not in a very "I love myself" mode the last few days, you can imagine the diet isn't anything special. Dare I say that there was also a McDonald's relapse? I can't recall all my eating details, but I'll try to give them to you as far as I can remember :) 

On Wednesday I had the leftover fried rice with some cauliflower. It tasted really good, especially the vegetables, because I dressed them up a little. 

I steamed the cauliflower, and here is the simple yet delicious dressing: 

1) 3 tsp lemon juice + 2 tsp lime   

     juice

2) chop 1-2 cloves of garlic and mix with juice

3) Add about 3 tbsp of oil (or more if you want)

4) Add salt and pepper to taste

5) Drizzle over vegetables 

This tastes great with loads of veggies!

In the evening I had my McDonald's relapse and had six chicken nuggets with large fries and a small fanta. To top it, I had a triple chocolate cookie.  (One of them is P's) 

Thursday I had more fried rice and I made some pasta with ham, onions and cream-sauce.

Friday I had my almond milk cereal (still my favorite meal at the moment) and made myself a vegan version of my childhood comfort food: Semolina Pudding (Grießbrei)

Vegan Semolina Pudding (Not sugar free ;))

1) 1/2 l of non-dairy milk
2) Keep 8 tbsp in a separate bowl and bring rest
     of milk to boil
3) Mix 5 tbsp of semolina with the milk
4) Add 3 tbsp of sugar (or less if you want)
5) Add semolina mixture to pot of milk when it
    starts to boil
6) Stir for some minutes, fill into bowl or plate
     and let cool
7) Serve with a sprinkling of cinnamon and add
     your favorite fruits


I really love this little dish, even though it's probably not the most weight reducing. I think it's best when it has cooled down a little, and you can scrape off the individual layers... *hehe*

Today I finished off the last bit of my almond milk and cereal, and I know I am definitely going to buy more next week. I wasn't hungry for most of the day, and when P. asked what I felt like I only said that I didn't want to cook. So he volunteered, because he's the great guy he is, and cooked us a lovely meal of chicken with cream sauce and mashed potatoes. We had a small piece of bread each with the meal, and it was just right for the night. (I left him most of my chicken, I just love the sauce with the potatoes :))

And that's about it. I think it wasn't too bad in hindsight, and I am proud of myself for thinking of something proper to eat in the first place; you'll just like me, it's not always easy.

Cardio

Yeah, still nothing on this front. I am happy to say that I think my foot is good again, and that I will be able to return to cardio properly with the new workout section. As I was already proud when I managed to do the workout, I didn't push it with the cardio. 

Workout

I did the workout yesterday and was just too exhausted to write about it to you at the time. The same nearly happened to me today. I was already snuggled up in bed, reading a book and just kept thinking: Is this the way you're going to let it end? Just give up? You don't have to get up tomorrow, why don't you just go into the living room and do it now? 

And that's what I did. I just switched on the TV and did it. Sure, it might not be my best performance ever, but that was not the important thing to me. At this stage of my challenge, it is just important that I show up and start changing my mindset towards doing workout. 

There is still loads of stuff wrong with my attitude towards it (more in the review), but I can feel how the workout is becoming more and more part of my routine. Something I feel I really need and have to do; a way to show my love towards myself. That I am taking care of my body. 

It can happen that I miss a day or two in between, but I am already doing a lot more than before. I have done 20 days of exercise in 26 days. This means I missed 6 days. 3 of these days were allowed free days. 

I am really OK with these results. The only thing I am not OK with, is giving up and letting everything go. I know that I am at a low point right now, but I am not done fighting. 

I send you all my love and want to reach out to all of you, who are struggling with the same feelings. You're not alone, and we can do this! 

Love, 

Shauna